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Pop the balloon or find love. (Question mark?) A sentence I bet you never thought you’d hear before; and one I never figured I’d type as many times as I have in the past couple weeks. 

This body of work presents the claim that these videos are one example of the internet’s commodification of intimacy and humiliation, revealing uncomfortable truths about social validation and contemporary gender norms. More specifically, I will explore and engage in the use of rejection and intimacy as performance art and entertainment – as they relate to the principles of clout – influence and/or fame often seen in the form of internet notoriety gained from viral content and cultural upscaling - taking something seen as ordinary, low-status, or niche and reframing or rebranding it to fit into a higher-status, mainstream, or elite cultural frame. In my research I’ve also examined full-length videos from the United States, Nigeria, Brazil, and Russia, alongside their comment sections in order to include behavioral comparisons across iterations of this phenomenon from differing creators. In the end, I’d like to interpret what Pop the Balloon-style videos reveal about modern dating culture as a result of the internet’s spectacle behavior and the subsequent ‘rewards’ of clout. 

‘Pop the balloon’ dating shows are a recently trending phenomenon that pair the pressures of speed dating with the fragility and desirability of a shiny red latex balloon. Beyond the surface level, these Youtube game shows reveal the behaviors, mannerisms, and trends of this generation's courtship in a way that is so entertainingly sinister and crude, I’d say it deserves a Black Mirror episode. 

Black Mirror - a British anthology series created in 2011 that explores the dark and satirical side of technology’s impact on society. Each episode presents near-future probabilities of failure between humans and technology, revealing uncomfortable truths about our relationships with screens or black mirrors. My favorite Black Mirror episode is from season 4 and is called Hang the DJ. It depicts a society with a dating system called Coach that uses time-restricted relationships to determine a person's “true-match”. The main characters Frank and Amy fall in love with each other and try to rebel from the system despite their 12 hour relationship, consequences ensue of course.

Now, back to reality. We’re popping balloons. 

Picture this. You’re a young man in his late 20s to early thirties who’s been having some trouble snagging a date. You have a friend named James or John or Joe who's an up and coming influencer, always trying to put you onto a side gig or hustle. During a night out at the bar you drunkenly let James know about your lady troubles. You then completely forget about it until one day he shoots you a text:

Yo broooo. Hit me up when you’re free I got this dating show gig for you. Full production man, it's basically like The Bachelor!

Oh word? How do I sign up? And what do you mean by show?

Well it's not technically a show but more like a Youtube video we’re trying to make into a series. All you gotta do is dress up nice bro and they're gonna have like 10 fineeeee ass ladies come out and you get to take your picks.

Hmmm. Sounds too good to be true man but I guess I’m down.

You won’t regret it. I promise you’ll leave with a baddie [prayer hand emoji]

The big day comes, you button up your shirt and lace your new shoes, hoping the ladies think you look fresh enough for you to leave the studio with one on your arm. 

You walk into a production studio past a person with a large camera as another clips a microphone to your lapel. The room looks a lot like your high school’s theatre department with its walls painted black and multiple beams and spotlights scattered across the ceiling. The room seems to be the embodiment of “up and coming” media production, full of influencers and half decent camera equipment. You’re nearly blinded by the fluorescent lights reflecting off of the pure white backdrop lined across the back of the room. As you get closer to the stage, a dark skinned woman with long black hair walks toward you with a mic and greets you as Arlette. She says that they've prepared twelve lovely ladies for you to speed date today and that they should be walking out shortly.

“Okay, sounds good”, you reply and walk away fixing to prepare yourself for your next 12 first impressions. You pop a mint, straighten your tie and check your hairline in the reflection of your phone just in time before they call places. 

You are standing at the edge of the seamless white backdrop, waiting for your cue to walk into the camera’s view. And once production has started, your nerves start to kick in. You walk up to what you think is the most ethereal line up of beautiful women, short and tall, curvy and small, holding shiny red balloons, all dressed to the T (i.e. dressed intently and/or elegantly) with hair and makeup so well done that you start to wonder if you look handsome enough.

Here is a visual gist of what the game show experience may look like for a contestant. The contestants are typically lined up across from the spotlights guest, and holding red balloons while the host oscillates a mic between each party.

One of the women can feel the fear in your sweat <<pop>> , another doesn’t like how fast you walked up to the stage <<pop>>, and a third and fourth just can’t get over the fact that you have a name that starts with a vowel. <<pop>>

Arlette: Let's head over to the first contestant. Who are you and why did you pop your balloon?

My name is Shania. I'm 26 and I don’t like that his shoes have soles. As a grown man you should be walking barefoot as our ancestors intended so I just couldn’t get with it.

You stand stunned. What the hell did James sign you up for? Some sort of masochistic ritual? Well, the cameras are rolling and it’s too late to leave now. So you spend the next one and a half hours starring in a video of yourself being rejected over and over for a variety of reasons, often time without much actual reason. Alerts of your shortcomings manifest as the ringing of a popped balloon that lingers in the air for seconds after its arrogant, and condescending announcement.

Jackie doesn’t like men without kids, Carly doesn’t like men who are teachers, and Emma thinks there’s something sassy about the way you use your hands to talk. <<pop>> <<pop>> <<pop>> 

In the end, you end up choosing a ‘winner’. A woman who held on to her shiny red balloon despite the red flags that all these other seemingly too good women just could not put up with. Who knows if you two actually hit it off or even have a first date.

Regardless of the outcome, you’ve just immortalized yourself in Youtube history, your repetitive rejections being viewed and commented on by millions of people across the globe. The funniest and most degrading parts being remixed into short form viral tiktoks that rule over the for you pages – individually curated video directories served by artificial intelligence – of many who know you, as well as those who don’t. 

But hey, at least you got a date and your 15 minutes of fame. Right? 

🎈💥

<<pop>>  

What may seem at first like harmless adult fun is actually an intriguing case study of how modern portrays attraction, rejection, and power. The recent surge in popularity of this style of dating has been credited to creators Arlette Amuli and her husband Bolia Matundu, after their release of the first episode of Pop the Balloon or Find Love back in December 2023. They created what has become a weekly, hour-long, majority black dating show with widespread virality.

However, the creators do note that they did not originate the idea of eliminating partners in a straight line based on initial impressions, this phenomenon was already trending in China during the time. Though during my investigation I was unable to uncover the Chinese originator, I will be comparing trends in renditions of Pop the Balloon videos from other parts of the globe. Ranging in length from 15 minutes to over an hour, these videos are most commonly published to Youtube but can oftentimes be remixed as shorter clips on platforms such as Instagram and Tiktok due to the potential virality of specific moments like witty jokes or salacious interactions (i.e. this clip of a woman removing her wig on the show). Seeing that these were the most re-shared moments leads me to believe that they are the main reward for general viewers of this type of content. 

During my research I noticed that many included multiple ads throughout the videos’ length, hinting at some financial reward for the creators involved. The videos advertised quick cash and gambling opportunities like sports betting on PrizePicks and this one which includes an advertisement for an opportunity to earn ‘Up to $750 by playing mobile games and earning rewards’. I find it a bit questionable that these videos, which are typically viewed by a teen-young adult audience, are promoting gambling right at the cusp of their audience's eligibility. I think it’s important to note here, the possible negative effects of desensitizing youth to financial addictions and advertisement schemes. 

I’ve decided to research this topic because of its prevalence as an interest for people in my demographic – black and/or urban youth aged 13-28. Google trends reports the game show to have reached its peak popularity – in relation to search history – some time in July of this year which aligns largely with the time frame in which I was introduced to the material. I first began to see shorter, more viral clips from participants like Aaron the Plumber on Tiktok and Instagram, later venturing to Youtube to watch the full length videos. Though I was reeled in captivated by the provocative nature of these videos, my initial reactions were cringe and disgust at the crudeness of many people’s comments as well as the tacky ways in which people seemed to present themselves. While I could never see myself becoming a fan of these videos, I could definitely understand why some may consider them a guilty pleasure.

In his op-ed for the Guardian titled “How Netflix turned a Black dating show loved by millions into TV trash” Nels Abbey shares intriguing commentary from his perspective on the Netflix spin-off of Arlette and her husband’s Youtube Series. He makes the claim that Arlette’s series was “utter TV genius” until “Netflix came knocking… [and] They gentrified it.” While I agree that Netflix’s culturally upscaled version included significantly less black singles and presented a more radio-ready version of the show, it wasn’t exactly revolutionary to begin with. 

Abbey says that these videos “reveal more than it might appear to about the psychology, values, methods and mannerisms of Black courtship within the confines of the west” which, I don't believe to be an inherently positive thing. I actually believe it to be very problematic to generalize or equate this kind of provocative content with black dating culture. Here the author presents his prediction for the future of Pop The Balloon “in our millions, we original devotees will stick with the original (ungentrified) YouTube version. As for the sad imitation – take a pin, balloon, pop!” However, I can’t help but question whether we should have been “devoted” to such degrading entertainment in the first place.

I’m interested to study the ways in which this genre of video and its subsequent cultural upscaling have set the stage for societal beauty standards, modern day gender dynamics, and the idea of clout-chasing (i.e. when a person tries to earn undeserved fame, via many things including spam, advertisement in places that you’re not meant to, starting drama with the goal of boosting yourself.)

Aaron Sloan, commonly known online as Aaron the Plumber from Stockton, CA has grown to be one of the most popular guests from Arlette’s series, gaining popularity for his snappy responses to the contestants' reasons for rejecting him. With his instagram being labeled after his most notable phrase from his time on the show, @you.not.qualified, his subsequent fame has opened him up to networking and financial opportunities such as sponsorships and collaborations with celebrities. 

Here is a summarized walkthrough of Aaron’s appearance on the show:

A young woman pops her balloon immediately as he walks out.

Karma, age 24, says that she popped her balloon because she was not fully attracted to Aaron to which he replies, “Yea uh, the feeling is definitely mutual. That's okay, thank you queen”

Jera, 22, then pops her balloon because of the crudeness of the comment he made toward the other woman, Karma. She says that she didn't appreciate that his reaction to her lack of attraction was to be defensive.

To that, I’d propose my own question to Jera, what is an appropriate reaction to a stranger's announcement at your lack of attractiveness?

Arlette later asks “So what are you looking for in a woman?”

“I look for a woman that’s not promiscuous…”

“Any dealbreakers?

“Dealbreaker: being promiscuous.”

We seem to be following a theme here… Aaron the Plumber appears to be mostly concerned with the promiscuity of his future partner and not many attributes besides that come to mind. I wonder what messages this sends to young viewers about which things to value in themselves? Is a woman only to be valued by her willingness (or unwillingness) to share her body with a potential suitor? Which traits should the young men viewing this video use as requisites in the search for their own women? In his appearance on Arlette’s show, Aaron does not seem to set a very high moral standard for the responses to these questions. 

As the video continues, another woman pops her balloon and Arlette asks Aaron:

“Is she your type?”

“Uhmmm she alright.” he says critically and nearly indecisively.

The same woman takes her shot at offending him in the way he did other women. 

• “You sassy a lil bit” “You stocky as hell”

• “You not that cute… you kinda look like a ninja turtle”

He replies calmly “Women I deal with don’t have hair on their arms”

He then switches up on this statement by telling a woman who popped her balloon in response to his supposed preference that he was in fact okay with the hair on her arms. Here he’s displaying a sort of uncertainty about his own beauty standards which I’d interpret as his need for validation and not genuine acceptance from the women he’s interacting with.

Another woman takes her turn at the microphone to call him disrespectful and arrogant; he reframes himself as blunt and truthful instead and delivers this statement:

“I’m not gone change who I am to fit someone else's liking, if you not it, you not it.”

Here he expresses a certain unwillingness to conform to the women's ideals of mutual respect and instead doubles down on his raw and uncut sense of expression. His quick, witty and slightly crude responses seem to resonate well with commenters, with many seeming to find his behaviors amusing.

• Calls them queens, treats them like peasants 😂😂

• This dude was respectfully disrespectful 😂

• The feeling is definitely mutual line was SAVAGE haha 😂

• Adding "queen" as a suffix to any insult turns it from aggressive to passive aggressive. Its genius.

• He need his own show 😂😂😂

It's important to note the combative nature of these interactions and the possible effects it could be having on each party. While some may consider Aaron’s actions misogynistic because of his crudeness toward women, I’d also like to note the critical behavior that the women seem to abuse in their position of power. How much is okay to say to a man before he is allowed to defend himself? Commentators seem to be absolved from expecting accountability from either participant and instead rejoice in a collective humor as these young adults tear each other to shreds in the name of dating entertainment. Aaron is being praised as a savage genius for the way that he successfully made queens feel like peasants, which I find slightly disturbing. I’ve paid close attention to the dynamics of gender in hopes of understanding the causes and consequences of the way the demographics studied interact as well as audience perceptions of such. 

The title of this video suggests that they are expected to find people unattractive. 

This type of encouragement from the production team is another influential 

factor for the erratic behavior of participants.

While Aaron’s episode illustrates the clash between male and female egos in U.S. contexts, international adaptations reveal how these dynamics may shift yet largely remain tethered to the same spectacle of humiliation. The women in this Nigerian version are holding green balloons. From my knowledge, this color coding may be a casual symbol of Nigerian pride as they are known for their chauvinism or an unreasonable belief in the superiority and dominance of one's own group, whether that group is a nation, race, gender, or other affiliation, though subsequent videos have switched to the traditional red balloon format. 

The female participants do not receive any personal promo or shout-out; not until the last woman standing was revealed, who was then granted a shout-out on the platform. The lack of lustful romance paired with the suspenseful and nearly comedic introductory music almost invites the audience (and participants) to find humor in the entrance of the first bachelor. For these reasons, I found this version to be a bit more inviting to the idea of humorous degradation as did this user:

@olorunjuedaloagosile8296

há 2 anos

This isn't a love show, this is a roast battle 😂

@dev.divine101

há 2 anos

There's a difference between being unnecessarily rude and being genuine about a person's appearance 😌💯

In many ways, these comments echo my own thoughts. There is nothing wrong with making a joke to please a room full of people who were seeking attention and connection in the first place. The issue lies in the fact that participants decide to degrade others through their performative vulgarity. They not only exploit the insecurities of others oftentimes exposing their own, but concurrently give the audience insight into their own morality or lack thereof in their judgement of what's considered reasonable humor and what is offensive. There is a mysteriously blurred line between which character is a bad guy and who was ‘just joking’ when conflict arises throughout these videos. 

Erving Goffman’s book The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life (1959) presents the idea of impression management or the idea that in social situations, individuals present themselves in certain ways — choosing how to speak, dress, and behave — in order to control how others perceive them. The “front stage” self makes crude yet flirty jokes, pops their balloon for humorous reasons, and behaves with a general confidence. Yet under too much scrutiny, being threatened by the exposure of an insecurity for example, the “back stage” or anxious, shallow, and morally confused spirit arises. This sort of fragility is very common on these shows which makes me wonder why participants are even bold enough to dish out negative feedback that they couldn't handle themselves in the first place.

At the end of the day, do guests leave this show feeling humiliated or empowered? It's tough to say. Many moments I’ve witnessed suggest that there is something deeper about the social dynamics at play. In the Nigerian iteration, a man who had all women pop their balloons gains one back after he makes the claim that he will “still take care” of the “princess” who accepts her balloon back, which I assume to mean physically and financially. There seems to be a pretty consistent correlation between the desirability of men and their material contributions to a relationship while their female counterparts are valued based on their sexual purity and attractiveness. Despite illusions of independence and equality, traditional gender expectations continue to shape perceptions of attraction and worth.

Following the resignation of her peers, the last woman remaining with a balloon in her possession proceeds to caress a male contestant’s crotch with said balloon. She then places her bunda (i.e. voluptuous behind) in the exact same spot while performing an animated grinding motion. This type of attention grabbing promiscuity is an occasional sensation in Arlette’s Pop the Balloon videos, and is more commonly seen in another genre of youtube dating show called 20 versus 1 Speed Dating – a dating show trend where a singular participants sorts through a selection of potential suitors one by one following short and salacious interviews. Because the bachelors usually possess a measurable amount of clout (i.e. rappers, streamers, micro-celebrities), guests can often be seen doing attention grabbing things like leg splits, 360 spins,  and engaging in physical altercations.

While most of these shows exist primarily on Youtube, the most viral clips are often reposted to platforms like Tiktok and Instagram. SNL’s parodization and Netflix’s culturally upscaled adaption of the trend have sparked controversy with many claiming that Netflix has changed a “a Black dating show loved by millions into TV trash”. During my exploration of public opinions on this Youtube phenomenon as well as its spin offs, I encountered a subReddit titled r/PopTheBalloon. There, I found public reviews on Netflix’s adaptation such as this one from user Thorsdaddy92:

Pop the Balloon Live on Netflix was trash...

Like, no cap, I love Pop the Balloon on youtube with Arlette, but this was trash. Like legit garbage. Whoever this host is (not Arlette) is annoying as hell and very unfunny. Like, the guys were corny, the girls were corny, the sweepers were corny, everything just was corny. There was no substance, just talking over each other and too many try hards. So much cringe. Ugh I hated it. What about you guys? Maybe I'm just hating because it's not what I expected and it wasn't Arlette. 🫤

Upvote Downvote

394 221

Several_Tailor_3623

•6mo ago

It was SO bad!!! A complete mess. I wish Arlette was hosting it. The whole show was so all over the place and had ZERO substance. Most of the balloons were popped before the guys even said anything, and hardly any questions were asked at all. Maybe it’ll get better in the future, but I’m not sure I want to keep watching it every week tbh.

chinchilla2132

•6mo ago

I think Arlette’s version of pop the balloon is so popular because it focuses on black singles. The Netflix version having minimal black representation, being set in LA, and having influencers literally defeats the purpose and removes all the charm. It is no different from other Netflix dating show or Jubilee/nectar dating shows. The black women are almost never picked and everyone is just tryna clout chase.

These negative reviews on Netflix’s iteration highlight critiques on watered down or broadened humor, lack of cultural substance, homogenization with similar shows and/or experiences, and underrepresentation of people of color. All hallmarks of cultural upscaling and show us what's at stake when corporate marketers catch wind of what's considered “cool”. Many would argue that as a result, the trend is no longer considered to be cool. Pop the Balloon videos however,  have been able to avoid such a stark decline, with Google Trends reporting that they remain at 67% of their peak popularity. 

In a Brazilian version, the roles are reversed with multiple men are lined up holding blue balloons. They give short introductions to the public while standing in line that include instagram tag, age and occupations before being greeted as a group by one woman at a time. Most of the men are light - medium brown toned, indigenous and afrobrazilians with faded haircuts and streetwear styles.

The first woman is only 22.

She gets rejected by one guy because “É influencer. Influência e ficar com todo o mundo que nós já é do ramos.” - “She’s an influencer. Influencing is getting (hooking up) with everyone who is already in the industry.”

Continuing Aaron’s theme of degrading promiscuity or sexually degrading women. 

A 30 year old woman who admits to being an OnlyFans star suffers less popped balloons despite her open promiscuity

Another man 's reasoning: “Eu achei ela muito bonita. Acho que combina com touro, mas eu queria mais uma olhadinha.” I think she's beautiful and our signs are compatible but I’d like to give another look around [at the other women to come]

This contestant makes a clear display of power. He uses his tool of rejection to disregard the woman in question, confronting her with the fact that he was only skipping her to check out other women available that day.

Male promiscuity is implied while female promiscuity is discouraged.

One of the women featured is only 19 years old, the next only 18. It’s come to my attention that this group is significantly younger than the ones displayed on other versions of this show. And still, the male median age is still higher, highlighting traditional recurrence in romantic age gap between sexes.

The 19 year old is asked about her preference in the skin color of men. Upon saying that she likes them all, 3 lighter toned men pop their balloons. Why, you may ask? “There’s no way you like them all” they say…

Finally I sigh, as the only black female contestant is featured in the video. She states that she likes men with “smart faces”, me too queen! 

The only two visibly black men pop their balloons. 

As a darker skinned woman I’d like to say that this may be the result of internalized colorism. We grow up seeing academia, excellence, intelligence, and wealth be associated with lighter skinned humans. In saying that she liked men with smart faces, the participant brought to mind a lighter skinned or more educated man, which clearly did not align with these men’s view of themselves. 

A white Brazilian man asks the same woman if she likes black guys with braids, giving a nod to the black guy standing next to him while still holding his own balloon.

A black man who popped his balloon originally, interjects and asks “Você prefere um pretão com tranca o um pretão que transa” Do you prefer a black man with braids or a black man who has sex (while pointing at himself).

Why is he still interested if he popped his balloon? Is he just trying to make himself feel good? Why is such a sexual question his method for doing so? The girl in question gives a bored and “over it’ eye roll expression.

One man pops his balloon “by mistake” but says it should stay that way because it's already done. I’m not sure that I believe that. Two other men seem to pop their balloons immediately in reaction to his pop.

The last bachelor pops his balloon because of her sports team preference, and she eventually leaves with no one. I (miraculously) could not find a video from this same creator that included a black woman in the line up of balloon holders to compare with my observations from the USA. This could be an important indicator of an underlying beauty standard against dark skinned women or people in Brazil, a subject I studied abroad this past summer in Sao Paulo. 

One particularly interesting clip I found came from this Russian video that featured a dark skinned man with short dreadlocks as their very first contestant. There are no black women included in the video.

As the male contestant enters, 4 women pop their balloons immediately. Their excuses were “I dont like his height” and “I just like Russians”, a genuine preference or very subtle way of saying she doesn’t date black guys I may ask? And finally the most direct of all “ I had an instinct that you were stifling” “stifling?” “I love asians, sorry”

Stifling is described as the act of making one feel constrained or oppressed. Ouch.

A woman who still holds her balloon chimes in to save the day! “Well I’ve never experienced [a black guy] and I’d love to try. I’ve heard a lot.” He then walks over and bows down to allow her to stroke his dreadlocks. She seems ignorant of the nature of their interaction and he is complacent. It makes me wonder whether the male received any pleasure from this experience. Was it exhilarating or humiliating to have his mane stroked by a beautiful Russian woman in front of one million people? What did he gain exactly? I’m not sure, but I’d argue that he lost some dignity.

Conclusion

Taking everything into account, Pop the Balloon videos may seem like lighthearted, and even innocent entertainment but they reveal uncomfortable truths about social validation, contemporary gender norms, and spectacle behavior. Across creators and countries it can be seen quite obviously; male desirability is rooted in material contributions while women are evaluated on appearance and purity. Many standard practices such as sex age gaps and colorism were present across many iterations of these videos, suggesting a widespread reinforcement of harmful societal expectations. 

However, the viewers are not innocent. They spectacle at this behavior and egg on the erratic behavior, celebrating humiliation and supporting (or not supporting) clout chasers, retaining some responsibility for the social implications of this content. Larger corporations like Netflix have caught wind of its popularity and have robbed it of its charm in the eyes of many viewers. This relationship between content, viewers, and corporations presents and ecosystem of clout that works to the benefit of participants, corporations, and influencers alike, often at the expense of someone’s dignity. 

My research on interactions from countries like Russia, Nigeria and Brazil have given me the insight that while standards and patterns may shift depending on context, the underlying use of rejection and intimacy as performance art and entertainment remains consistent, and so does its reproduction and monetization. 

Pop the balloon videos serve as a visual analogy for the struggle between empowerment and exploitation. The cruelty adds a provocative humor to the content that is widely appreciated by audiences across the globe. While participants like Aaron the Plumber may walk away with monetary gain or virality and attention, they leave with a legacy tainted by humiliation and characterized by disrespect either to or toward another human being. These videos are more than just a social media trend. They serve as a lens through which we can explore the dynamics of courtship, the effects of online spectatorship, and the duality of identity.

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Sorry I just don't like people who read articles until the end :/